I am living in France since late August after 875 fabulous days of living in Spain.
I came here to represent the Office of the President at The American College of the Mediterranean and I am glad I did.
Some days ago, I began reading the notebooks in which I wrote and drew during the Barcelona days. It’s wonderful to be inspired by that Marianne who dared to return to Spain without knowing how it would all work out.
Aix is inspiring me, too.
I popped in to say HI – (my new abbreviation for Human Intelligence).
Since I began working at ACM-IAU aka The American College of the Mediterranean-Institute d’Universités Americains, life has been filled with newness and learning. Less posting, too.
I love to put together images to share with you, and that takes time, and today I will post with less images than I would like, because I want to post something.
Still writing.
Still heartened to see Lucy, go see. and I am home. moving in the world, being read, talked about. Still dreaming about translations and films.
Repeating the phrase Je veux encore jouer daily.
Sketching, snapshotting, looking at it all.
Also working on the delicious project of tasting and ranking French desserts.
Doors, stone heads, shafts and splashes of light. Virgin vines (les vignes vierges have a different translation, but I like this one). I enjoy these things and so much more in Aix.
It’s a curlicue place. Water running everywhere under the surface, making man-made structures lopsided, floors curvy. Immense plane trees, pines, cypress, walnuts, chestnuts. Ochre stone, a city chock-full of centuries of stories. Heads were chopped off here in a beautiful plaza in front of a church and stone heads adorn intricately carved wooden majestic doors. Places fit for royalty, archbishops.
Strange note to end on but there it is, thought about constantly as I walk through the city-center’s labrynth of wonder.
Here’s a slide show for you, quickly clicked together. A smattering. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for your attention. Love, Marianne
February 11, 2025. Barcelona, in the evening. A chime on my phone, I saw the link you see below and under it the words mi amiga marianne, then another chime: Hello Marianne. I listened to your rendition of the prelude, and first chapter of Lucy go see. It was a beautiful experience. Your writing is beautiful and powerful. You are a good writer… and a brave one! I shared the podcast with some friends…
I responded: Such good timing you have. I was writing when I heard your message come in. working on writing myself right, as I sometimes call it. Feeling down and writing, too, about writing, and all the time put into it and wondering if it mattered much–and then I saw this. Thank you very much. It means a lot and especially coming from you. Thank you so much too for sharing it. I’d so love to move this story further and wider into the world. A really big hug. I hope you are having a good start to your week.
As did she: The timing is not mine…probably🥰😅 Imagine….I read/listened to it early afternoon… and had to reflect a bit afterwards… powerful words… I shall buy the book. I thought you could try a public reading with your students…you do a superb job reading your novel… you are a good interpreter of “Lucy”… but personally I think they may not be ready for your honesty… and they may misuse the sacredness of it. I am afraid for you, but you know best… Am afraid of the superficial nature of some youth. On the other hand, you could help them tremendously… because of your experience and the healing over the years… you talk about it with great insight and wisdom.
The “it” my friend refers to is a sacred understanding of sexuality.
My friend is a sister of the Congregation of the Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word of Houston, Texas, and a pediatrician. We met in a nearby café in Barcelona soon after I moved into this neighborhood in the fall of 2023, and we struck up a conversation. Within it, I learned she had returned to Barcelona after more than two decades in the USA, to care for her mother, who was in her early nineties. It was remarkable to me that I, after returning to Barcelona after my years in Iowa with my mother during her last years of life, was meeting a Barcelona woman who had returned to her hometown to do the same, after living decades in Texas, and who was talking of a future return there. We talked about that and many things including spirituality, sanctuary, sacredness, swimming, and the themes of wound, eros, and voice that are prevalent in my work. (We have continued this conversation ever since.)
You probably guessed I am a nun, she said.
No, I said. Why would I?
My collar, she said, lifting her shawl. To me a lace collar, nothing more. My cross, she said, holding the pendant around her neck.
It’s pretty, I said.
You probably already have many friends, she said.
Never too many, I said.
A few weeks later, she sent me an article she had written about vulnerability, wounds, and wisdom that I’d like to share with you:
Our friendship continues to flourish, enrich, and reveal what can easily be seen as divine timing and connection.
I was grateful this week to be reminded through her that what means so much to me is worth doing, and it will continue to be surprising in its revelations. This is one of the stories of how it has moved and moves in the world.
Thanks for reading. May you marvel at your life, and this world.
Breaking and entering the land of the free and the home of the brave is a crime.
excerpt from I am home., Chez Soi Press 2023
Just finished reading this article about women who have come out to say they have been bodily assaulted by the accused defendant and presidential hopeful actually on trial. They are angry and concerned for themselves and their neighbors after speaking out about having suffered an unauthorized entry of their bodily home by someone with the intent of committing a theft of their integrity and dignity. It stirs a lot in me, this breaking and entering of another human. So does the template of denial seeming to have more power than truth. Also alarming is how people seem to find the issue–unwanted sexual touch, and unwanted touch of one’s person in general, in other words, one’s body up for grabs–unimportant and common and therefore somehow acceptable. I write this thinking about a recorded statement by the accused claiming the privilege of grabbing, and after having seen photos of some women with t-shirts glorifying that grab. The female body, in particular, is more obviously considered public domain. Look at how the state is again taking more control of it via a Supreme Court which includes other accused deniers.
Who has the power to abuse and in so doing normalizes abuse? How is and was that power obtained? How are people okay with a flagrant denier (and admitter) of abuse representing a supposed land of the free and the brave? To those who are unbothered by it–do they understand that anthem to mean US citizens are free to abuse and brave to deny?
How often do you touch people without asking their permission? Do you ever touch someone you feel has more power than you without their permission? Would you even dare to ask for it? How do you feel when people touch you without your permission, especially people you would prefer to keep at a distance? Are you aware of it? Do you pay attention to it? Do you move through this world expecting it?
You could probably say this about moments of your life while on your way home and it would be true for you, too.
This page comes to mind often. It used to be in I am home. and for a while was the opener. After moving it around, I decided it was unnecessary, yet it comes back. Always playfully and in mystery, and especially living here in Catalonia right now. Always when readers mention moving around in the story at ease. What songs would your heart sing if you played it like a xylophone? What patterns and colors do you see when you look into the kaleidoscope of your life?
Thanks for coming. Thanks for being here. Wishing you wonders.
We had our book group the other night and it went so well, one of the better discussions we’ve had in a long time. I was really interested to see if there would be a big difference in how other people dealt with the style of the writing and how it sort of jumped back and forth. I know sometimes that gets to me but not always. I remember reading Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Stout and it drove me crazy. But as I reread your book, I realized it didn’t bother me in the least. In fact I enjoyed it that way! Most rather liked the way that you knew each page would have its own story even if you weren’t exactly sure of the timeline. They felt what I think you were feeling and struggling with. And the way you handled the characters–specifically no names–they thought was an interesting detail. One person in our group, a retired pediatrician turned independent bookstore owner who has pursued some writing classes and general knowledge of what goes into writing a book, said she was glad to read it, that it was something quite different from some of the books we’ve read, and very much a pleasure to read. Funny how people in your book had been in the house we held our meeting in. I sort of felt like they were all sitting in listening. For me it doesn’t get any better than that!
Note the Charcuterie utensils by the food, I used the ones I make. (see more of her beautiful glass art here.)
There is so much about this book club gathering and the photos and the letter that makes me feel grateful and happy, and moves me–like the way I feel right there with them when I see my handwriting saying I am home. at the table next to the playing cards on the glass–and that brings memories of love and laughter floating from the other room of the cottage while my parents and friends played Euchre on summer nights. The mention of Elizabeth Strout reminds me of taking my mother to a reading in Iowa City and sitting in the front row and introducing her to my mom, and how E.S.’s hand went to her heart as she said, you brought your mom. And how Mom whispered to me, she’s just like one of us.
Another from KK’s list of Scintillating Sentences. In the pages of I am home., Marianne often takes risks to live her life wholly. This is one of the storylines which explores the cost of freedom and the power of yes and no.
Stop in at River Lights and do all your Christmas shopping this year. This is one of my favorite bookstores in the world. It’s about more than books, just like books are. Find great gift ideas in every corner of the store and enjoy the warm and welcome atmosphere. I am thrilled that I am home. is on the shelves in this place where I feel very much at home. The setting for I am home., this non-fiction tale, is Dubuque, Key West, and many other places in Iowa, Illinois, and Wisconsin, and across the United States of America. You can also travel to Iceland, France, and Spain within. It’s a story that shows it is possible to go home again, and to leave home again, and to carry it with you always, and have a great time doing it despite all the challenges. You will laugh and you will cry. And maybe even think about things in a different way. It is a gift of light and love, this book, and thus fits with the season.
After you leave the bookstore with all your Christmas shopping in the bag, stop and enjoy other great places nearby like L. May Eatery, Salsa’s Mexican Restaurant , and Jitterz, where I wrote a lot, and had great conversations. I miss all that. I’ll be back.
Is there someone on your Christmas list who likes to read? Who enjoys true stories? Who loves home, and loves to travel, and wonders about how others live in the world and what freedom costs? Who loves Iowa? Who especially loves the Upper Mississippi Valley of Iowa? And loves and wonders about Spain and Iceland and France? Who loves driving? Who loves rivers, valleys, and being in the great outdoors? Who loves life, family, friends? Who loves to walk, dance, and swim? Who sees beauty everywhere? Who appreciates absurd humor? And sees the humor in even the difficult moments? They will probably also love this book.
It has been called a book about the wideness of love, a book about what it means to be a free spirit in this world, and a book about what it means to be home. It has been called a memoir hiding inside other genres. It has been called amazing, brilliant, heartbreaking, enthralling, relevant, resonant, brave, inspiring, moving, insightful, incisive, beautifully written, and soothing.
If you’ve read and enjoyed it, please spread the word. If you haven’t read it yet, please give it a chance. It would be wonderful if you asked your library to order it.
If I could afford it, I would hand out copies everywhere.
Here, at this desk, looking at this view, I smile thinking about how writing and reading connect me to other souls who are also interested in being as alive as we can be. I imagine these people believe that life is a chance to exalt and contribute.
“They are your contribution to humanity,” a friend said recently when I wondered about the value of my books and the time spent writing them.
Happy Thanksgiving! I am in Spain, craving warm fixings with loved ones, and giving thanks for family, friendship, resilience, and growth.
This is plant that adorns the cover of I am home. It was given to my mother in 1952 at the birth of her firstborn, a son, Tommy. I only knew him through stories and photos because he died, at 8, before I was born. In the family we called it Tommy’s Plant, and sometimes I called it the Tommy Mommy Plant, and recently I have been calling it Millie’s Beanstalk. I guess I could call it Marianne’s Beanstalk because I would likely have been the child to trade the cow for the magic beans. I love that Mom is in it, the whole family is in it.
The image of the plant in the middle is recent, here in Barcelona at home. The drawing on the right is how it started in 2005 in Sitges, when I brought a cutting of it from Mom’s plant back to Sitges. That’s also a recent shot, of course, with the book in the plant’s arms. That globe on the cover is the World Book one we had at home and I often dreamed about traveling all over it.
The long story short is that I gave the plant to a friend when I went back to live in Iowa in 2012. Before I did, I took a cutting from that plant, carried it with me, and re-rooted it in Dubuque. It lived with me there, and in Chicago, Iowa City, and Los Angeles. I added some roots of another immense dieffenbachia I saw thriving in the offices of the memory care center where Mom died..
The plant never quite thrived and multiplied in the USA in the same vigorous manner it did in Sitges, but it stayed alive and shone. In 2021-2022, I spent six months back in Europe and left it outside in the garden where I lived in Silver Lake, Los Angeles, where I have seen many dieffenbachia thrive. Looking through the photos now, I notice that it started to decline most seriously when my son moved to France from LA. He also loved that plant. I was sad to learn of its death in the spring when I returned, and told myself that 70 years was a good life, and everything must die, I guess.
That summer, I traveled to Iowa and when I walked into a brother’s house in Dubuque, his wife said, “Marianne, do you remember when you moved to LA and you left us a cutting of your mom’s plant? Look at it now,” she pointed. “But something weird is going on with the leaves.”
“It lives!” I said, raising my arms in the air and rushing toward it. The sister next to me grabbed my hand to stop me from separating the leaves that had attached to each other at the tips–both their own and that of others nearby–and weren’t unfurling because they were blocked by that attachment.
“Wait, let me count them before you do that,” my sister said, and she counted seven. “I knew it. That’s the number of Mom’s children.”
“Well, let me free them,” I said, chuckling, and showing my sister-in-law how to gently detach them both from themselves and others nearby so they could unfurl on their own. “It happens sometimes, they get too close or turn in too much as they grow and you just have to give them enough room so they don’t.”
what they looked like after separation, ready to unfurl on their ownIt would have worked better if I had cut more from the base.
I took a cutting of that plant back to Los Angeles with me. It was a long, adventurous drive, and the Tommy Mommy plant cutting made it but didn’t last long once there. It was a month or so later, as I was pondering a return to Barcelona to live and walking around Silver Lake one afternoon, when a friend I met in Sitges, who now lives in Northern California called. “Marianne, I have to tell you something. Do you remember that plant of your mom’s you left with me when you went back to Iowa?” I couldn’t speak, just hmmed. “Well, you should see it now,” she said. “It’s huge. The woman renting my house just sent me a picture.”
I had forgotten I gave it to her. And I took it as a sign. And here I am in Barcelona, and here is the plant. We’re together again. It’s difficult to take my eyes off her.
I’d like to tell you more about Tommy and plan to make a book about him and his short life. I wrote some about him in I am home. He was born with a lot of physical obstacles. Here are some photos of a much larger selection, kept safe in a sturdy gray box with TOMMY, in Dad’s handwriting, on top.
“Be glad you can see, sit, stand, walk, and talk, just be glad you have a body that works like yours does,” Mom used to say when I complained about my unfortunate life sometimes.
Marianne Maili 